you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
