ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
