Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
