Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize