I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
