if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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