Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
We're facebook friends in real life
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
