i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Hippo gnu deer
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize