After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
