you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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