I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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