So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Shame - the story of my life.
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