when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
