Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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