You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
