i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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