If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
