You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
