His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
