Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
