Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
