You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
