I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
