We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
