We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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