i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
