Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
