We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize