In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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