i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize