I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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