whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
