College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
