Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
