covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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