It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
