Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
