Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
