I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
