I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I pour the whiskey from now on
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
