my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize