How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
