My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
my poor anus
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
