Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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