Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
