what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
