ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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