at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize