how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
