Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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