That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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