Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
