bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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