Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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