she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
