It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
When did angry sex become our thing?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Randomize
