If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
