my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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