I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
