Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
