Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
