I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
