true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
