I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize