that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
