She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
