This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
