Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
