so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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