NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize