careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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