I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
