So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
