I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
