i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
