so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
