I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
