There is no way he is gay with that hair.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
