Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize