We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
