Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
