Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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