she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
