Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
