ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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