Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
