listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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