There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
