I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
