All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Randomize
