I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
