how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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