You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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