We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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