oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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