There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
