we're chasing vodka with high fives
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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