I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
