I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
