hotel room ftw
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Congratulations! We have a period
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