I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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