what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Green mimosas i think yes
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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