Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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