Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
worst night to have a conscience
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I have aggressive nipples.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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