what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
